Sandy (Motley Boys Superb Loanee Defender)

The Pride of Cheshire match was played at Bramhall Rec on the
astroturf pitch (the devil's grass).  It was a very odd sort
of morning - brilliant sunshine one minute and torrential
rain the next.  The Hatters had a good turn out but Motley
Crewe were a bit short.  Most serious problem was their lack
of a keeper.  In a fit of generosity which I would come to
regret star striker Alaninho was dropped from the County forward 
line and put in nets for the Alex ( Alaninho had kept three clean 
sheets at Reading so it was not a bad offer).  Grahamino and myself 
also pulled on the red tops to get 11 a side.  The Alex are often
referred to as the Pretty Boys in this neck of the woods.
Certainly no chance of the Internet side being called that with 
me in there  :-)

Grahaminho and myself soon adapted to the pretty passing moves
used by the Alex and the Motleys.  First goal was to Motleys with a move 
down the left started by yours truly (Not the first time that I have been 
heavily involved in the Hatters conceding a goal).  The ball was slipped 
inside the full back and Benney in goals was given no chance.  The Hatters 
came back with a quick  double one from Matt Oddsox when he lost his marker 
(me!) at the far post and he kneed the ball over Alaninho.  Then Mark Roach 
blasted in a 25 yarder that never left the ground and zipped into the 
bottom corner. 

Half time Mad Hatters 2 Motley Crewe 1

At half time Matt Oddsox and Simon Johnson left to be go and work in the club 
shop.  They were replaced by Craig Walsh and me. This put up the average age 
of our side by about five years.  Crewe brought on some young lad in place 
of me bringing their age down by about the same margin.  Defensive lapses let 
in the Motleys for two early second half goals - nothing to do with me!  Then 
Darren got an equaliser after Dave M-S went on a run along the byline.  
Alaninho produced a string of fine saves to keep the scores level.  I can 
understand him saving the efforts from his brother Jiminho but he had no 
cause to keep the others out.  I will be having words with him about that as 
I am sure he could have let just one of them in without making it look bad.

Full time Mad Hatters 3 Motley Crewe 3

Good game played in an excellent spirit.  I think there was hardly 
a contentious decision made.  Just as well, as the ref did not turn 
up.  From what I understand Motley Crewe are trying to recruit 
Alaninho into their side on a permanent basis.  They did not make 
the same offer to that balding Scottish left back who played for
them in the first half:-(  Thanks to Bill and the rest of the team
for turning out.

Debut man Jack Street fitted nicely into the defence.  Benney had no chance
with the goals and Vince slotted well into midfield.  Chris M-S coped well
with his defensive duties.

The Clattermeister was on child minding duties but did turn up to watch for
a while.  Clattermeister Junior (who is about the same age as some of the
Crewe players - well not far off) did get the chance to see Jiminho indulge 
in some light clattering.  Presumably he is a bit young to see his dad 
showing how it is done properly.  

QPR Player 'Juzza'

Ever had one of those perfect days when everything just goes right?
Well down in Shepherds Bush it's been a looooooooooooooonnnnnnnng time.

Perfect Event 1:
11 ASB men get to Crewe sort of on time and sort of alive.
  

Perfect event 2:
Motley Crewe 4 ASB 5
A fine game of football against the Academy in 5 inch deep mud.

Perfect event 3:
Yours truly continues to defy age and gravity and all reason by popping in
a goal with his perfect Italian booties. Nice goal too, provided by neat
work from Jason and Scottie and a final back-heel from Scottie into my
lumbering path.

Perfect event 4:
Yours truly drops from CF to Keeper and pulls off a reflex (I kid you not!)
save from young Mr Robinson of England fame when one on one.

Less than perfect event 5: 
Yours truly watches his defence go awol and allow at least 6 occasions in 15
minutes when a Motley is running into the box with the ball at his feet and
yours truly somewhat exposed. One of these results in somewhat comical own goal
from yours truly as ball is played across me, I chase it, bounces back of
the post, I sitck out foot to clear it, and it rockets into the net ...
aaaggh. This turns
result from cruising 4-1 to ASB into flustered 4-4.

Perfect event 6:
Scottie grabs his hat-trick to steal back the win.


Interlude ... Huge thanks to the Motlies and Hil and to Admiral from our mob
for organising a game in 3 days - just shows what can be done. More thanks
to the Academy for giving us a top game of footie in difficult conditions. Warning
to the rest of the internet world - those Motley kids are growing up fast!
Also thanks for the pub grub, and no thanks on choosing THE most difficult pub in the world
to find as it is camoflaged in a labyrinthe of back-streets. Took us 3 miles
driving to make a 100 yard walk!

Juzza 'the man who reinvented himself as a goal-scoring machine'

PS: The other 10 ASB lads might have has something to do with our win as
well ;-)  

QPR Player 'Banjo'

ASB list: ASB 8 Motley Crewe 0 - 'Are we allowed to tackle them?'

ASB have covered many collective miles in recent months. We have, on 
occasion, struggled to locate a venue, and turned up a little late,
as I suspect our guests would testify. One does cling to the hope that 
when we do play at 'home' (Regents Park, in this case) we might be 
able to get together somewhere near an agreed time. At 10:15am, it
was me and Ant, and a frighteningly young looking local select who were 
Crewe boys. It disturbs me to see a number of ex-Hoops fans have 
become Crewe people. What is it with this sympathy thing? We need all
the sympathy we can get...

I regret to say that even when a team and opposition did assemble,
the game had dissolved into something that had an air of formality about 
it, as if it was just something we had to play. This is largely due
to the fact that Ant flatly refused to redesign his hairstyle, now that 
it had AKUTR's exposure, the tart that he is. another slight factor 
may be that Hil's galant efforts to raise a side produced only a 
number of rather too young chaps with a few more mature lads to hold 
them together. In all honesty, this served only to set genuine terror
into the hearts of the paceless amongst us (i.e. all of us), as there
is nothing more terrifying than a damned swift, useful teenager to 
humiliate you. Rocky drooled in anticipation at being one of the big 
men on the pitch - how wrong he was...

In this glorious setting, we spent a curiously amusing half an hour 
watching Mike get extra points, Chillio try to convince us all he 
could be a striker again, and Jason look like standing up was far too
much like hard work. The beautiful people jogged by, and walked
their  strangely named dogs (Figaro? - a burst of operatic acknowledgement 
from T' ASB was not received too well by the owner). After some 
discussions on the validity of the game, we gallantly decided to 
furnish a depleted Crewe (8 of them) with Kipper and Juzza, thereby 
decemating any hopes they had in the first place. We decided to let 
Crewe have an extra man, and lined up as

Yeti 

Daffoire 
Chilli 
Ant
Septic Mike

Banjo
Task
Jason

Rocky

In the most pleasant conditions I have ever experienced for a December match, 
Crewe kicked off and started doing that infernal passing the ball around thing. 
Does everyone associated with Crewe just pass a ball around all day, or what? 
The sods did it at Loftus Road a few hours later, and were doing it now. 
It took all of 7 minutes for Chilli to get upset, and any charitable gestures were 
revoked immediately. More annoyingly, a chap called Graham had mailed our
list before the game to get directions for the game. I warned him not to be decent, 
and the bugger was! Crewe had recruited a local long-haired chap to fill in in midfield,
and he toiled as we tried very hard to stroll through everyone and score bucketloads. 
Crewe were having none of it, and some overkeen attacks from Chilli and Mike left the 
back exposed not a few times, and Crewe should have done beter. Having Juzza up there 
with them didn't help, but nonetheless... Chilli, the glint of goalscoring glory in his 
eyes, reorganised swiftly, and got himself into a defensive-midfield-but-up-front position. 
This actually paid dividends after Rocky's run and cross shot produced Chilli's first 
tap-in. Soon after, Task and Chilli combined to release me, and after rounding 1 defender 
and a floundering JP, I couldn't really miss. Despite the goals, Crewe were still playing
 the slightly better football. The young lads at right and left backs doing particularly 
well, playing some neat first time passing, and generally making us look a bit silly. 
Admiral's arrival, resplendent/looking like a complete arse in Admiral's tunic and cap, 
helped stem the passing tide, even though Crewe introduced a rather large chap into 
midfield at the same time. He looked like the kind of man whose mishit kicks could kill, 
or at least seriously maim. 

A swirling, spinning cross from S del B, assisted by now customary Rocky miss-hit, let 
Task bag yet another ASB goal. Chilli had another easy finish after a cross with just a 
hint of shot from Rocky. Rocky again was involved with the 5th as he pulled back for me 
to lob the defenders on the line to score. Truth be told, I doubt it would have gone in 
unless Kipper hadn't leapt across his defence and got a hand to it to assist it in. 

Good boy, JP...

Task got his 2nd from my nod-down, and I think Rocky got one in the middle of all that 
somewhere to make it 7 at half-time. I don't suspect many teams can enjoy the liberty of 
coming off 7-0 up at half-time to a bollocking, but that's exactly what we got. 
Realistically, we were not playing very well, and were not taking advantage of an 
opportunity to try and play some different football, and try new things. To toughen 
things up, Yeti swapped with the rather busy JP at half-time, which must have pleased 
JP no end. 

The 2nd half was much more enthralling. Juzza evolved into a towering centre-half, the 
very glue for the rejuvenated Crewe defence. Some altogether brighter football was played, 
and Yeti had the novel opportunity of being involved at least once a minute in the play, 
with  one effort from Chilli blazing inches over. Some early moves brought stops from The 
Foot, and some cute defensive shoves and refusal of free-kicks from Juzza spiced things 
up no end. Not a few times, the surging Red shirts on the break took on tide proportions, 
and Daffy in particular found himself marooned in Red shirts a number of times. As 
a reward for his endeavour, I let Daffy have a nice run at goal, but he decided to give 
it to Yeti in the goal to save mutual embarrassment. 

Some people just do not belong in the oppositions half...

As the game spread out, Ant was called upon to make more important challenges, and a 
few more clearances had a little desperation about them as Crewe searched for that 
consolation goal. The space left meant Task and Jason were turning on their games, 
and Task in particular began stroking the ball around much more productively 
(or provocatively?). Chilli had become a striker, and most moves involved him. 
Eventually, Rocky got on the end of a parried Task shot, and got the 8th. Yeti then 
conspired to produce 2 of the finest saves I've ever seen him produce - both from me - 
one a point blank volleyball  style pad away, and one to tip over a curling long range 
effort.
Crewe rallied, and the young midfielder (bleached blond) had a fine chance to get that 
special goal, but JP was equal to his tame effort. Mike still seemed to have three 
players to deal with on every attack, and Admiral wasn't getting the room he would have 
liked. I had sensed this  may be the game to see the Ginger one lose his ASB cherry, 
but the need for him to retreat in assistance of the defence much more regularly than
 we would have liked quashed this hope. We had a few more opportunities to break the 
Yeti wall, and Jason made a few tantalising runs, though they came to little. Yeti 
and his Crewe braved the storm, and Hil - official timekeeper - called it all
to a halt. If only she'd let our game go on until 3pm or so...

MOM: For Crewe, Judas Graham was very impressive, and played some nice  football with 
good skills. Also, the previously mentioned bleach-blond  lad did very well, and was 
afraid of no tackles. He actually shoved  Rocky off the ball twice, which made me smile...
For ASB...I don't give a toss! I think I'd have to give it as a combined award to 
Juzza and Yeti for their proactive support of Crewe,  despite being 7-0 down. Yeti 
pulled off some very fine saves, despite Juzza ruining his hand for him. Juzza turned 
out some quality dirty, filthy play. Splendid stuff...

6 out of 6, and we left happy for the farce that was QPR v Crewe, and 
the slanging match that was the ASB AGM ('For fcuk sake Chilli, calm down!!'). 
I felt quite drained when I got home, I don't mind admitting...

S del B  

	Tim Robinson (Motley Crewe)
	Derby Bloke Craig

Motley Crewe 5 - 3 RamsNet Played at Barony Swamp, Nantwich 30Jan99

"Motley Crewe kicked off and passed the ball around well. With Gareth Owen
and Andy Statham linking up well on the left in their first appearances, and
a new forward pairing of Paul Kerby and Andy Siepen, Crewe dominated the
early stages. It wasn't long before Crewe took the lead, with Andy latching
on to a missed kick from Gant in the six yard box after I'd swung it in from
the left.
"Crewe were on top in midfield, and Paul had chance after chance. Derby
scored from their first corner, and looked dangerous in the air all game,
but just before this, Paul had cut in from the left to make it 2-0.
"It was 4-1 at half-time as Paul sealed his hat-trick with two more, despite
calls for offside. Tim, Jack and Gant had all had good efforts saved.
"Although it wasn't raining, the pitch was a quagmire, and it affected
Crewe's passing, the second half being much more even. Paul was playing for
Derby in the second half, and Daniel Beale was up front with Jack Manuel.
Bill was now ref, with Andy S in nets, and Peter Robinson coming in at right
back.
"The longer the game went on, the more Derby came back into it. Two goals
near the end made us ask Bill how long was left. The game was finally sealed
in the last minute when Daniel battled well to put Gant through. He was
impeded from behind and we drew straws to see who would take the penalty. I
won and scored. (Gant later claimed I cheated him out of it, but this wasn't
true.)
"Overall, a good game."

The squad:
First half:		Second half:
GK: Bill Andy 		Siepen
RB: Ed Booth 		Peter R
LB: Gareth Owen 	Gareth
CB: Darren H 		Darren
CB: Si D 		Si D
RM: Jack M 		Ed
CM: Tim R 		Tim
LM: Andy Statham 	Andy
CF: Andy Siepen 	Daniel Beale
CF: Paul K 		Jack

In the first half, Martin Hough, Daniel Beale and Paul-and-Ed's-mate played
for Derby - in the second half Paul played for Derby and Daniel played for
Crewe.

Afterwards we all adjourned to the Rifleman for beer and chips and sarnies,
and chat about our clubs and the forthcoming WorldNet tournament in July,
and football in general.

Thanks to all the squad, SiD's dad, Andy Saunders for helping us get the
kit, John Fleet (glad I wasn't washing it afterwards) and anyone else I've
forgotten to name.
Especial thanks go to the Derby lads for coming all that way for the game. We
must've enjoyed the result more than they did - our first win of the season! 

For the benefit of anyone interested, Ramsnet FC played against Motley
Crewe in Nantwich on Saturday 30th January.  The score was 5-3 to Crewe :(
 
Here's a brief match report cobbled together from what Wheaty and I can
remember:
 
We at the McDonald's car park at Markeaton Island and it soon became clear
that we would be struggling for players.  Determined to get a game in
anyway, we set off for Nantwich.  Chris and me went up in Nick Sellors's
Subaru Impreza...Jesus that baby can move!  I don't want to get Nick into
any trouble wit the law, so let's just say that we got there pretty quick!
:)
 
When we got there (before the home team even!) we found out that we only
had eight players.  This was a bit disappointing, but as they had about 15
players they kindly let us "borrow" a couple of their "players"  :)

The team lined up for the first half like this:

                        Wheaty

Me (Craig)      Chris Brunt     John Anglesea           Crewe Lad

Crewe Lad       Nick Sellors    Tom Butcher             Crewe Lad

        Wendy (Daz Christians)  Man Cub (Bob)

The pitch wasn't actually that bad when we started, but it was obvious that
it would cut up badly...and it did to become a virtual mud-bath in minutes.
 
I couldn't remember the actual sequence of goals, so Wheaty helped me out
here:
 
5 mins. - cross from right, tap in.  0-1
 
Very soft goal...I think we were all still asleep.
 
10 mins - shot from right, nutmegged me - doh!  0-2

To be fair, it was a bit unlucky Wheaty.  You came out well, but the lad
slipped it through your legs.  Still, he didn't say "megs" so it doesn't
count!  :)

20 mins - Tom scores from corner.  1-2

Good corner from Darren.  Tom bundled it into the net with a header.  Good
approach play before the goal, and a good result from the corner.
 
25 mins - they score, forget how.  1-3

35 mins, they score, forget how.  1-4

Another two very soft goals.  They were both yards off-side, but they
didn't have a linesman (because we nicked their spare players), so I
suppose we can't really complain.  The fourth one was actually so far
off-side that the whole team actually stopped in amazement when it wasn't
called off-side.  I know you should play to the whistle, but it really must
have been at least 5 yards off-side.

HT 1-4

Everyone was pretty pissed off at half time.  We were playing really badly
and being beaten by a team we should be beating.  We re-organised things a
bit in the second half:

Chris went in goal, Wheaty played out-field.  Asked if he's any good in
goal Chris replies "I can't do any worse than Wheaty"  :)

Man cub dropped back (Wheaty says "good half from him, best half for INR/CW
IMHO"...I agree, he had a good half)

So the second half line up was as follows:

                        Chris Brunt

Crewe Lad       Tom Butcher     John Anglesea           Wheaty

Crewe Lad       Nick Sellors    Man Cub (Bob)           Me (Craig)

        Wendy (Daz Christians)  Crewe Lad

The Crewe Lad who was up front for us in the second half scored a hat-trick
against us in the first half.  Unforunately, he couldn't score for us
though!

The second half went something like this...again courtesy of Wheaty:

55 mins darren special.  2-4

Yes, good goal.  Someone put Darren through, the 'keeper came out towards
the edge of the box and Darren chipped it over him.  The 'keeper back
peddled and got his hand to it, but couldn't keep it out.
 
75 mins Tom bundles ball in (corner?).  3-4

I can't remember this one very much either.  We scored and that's all that
matters I suppose.

(their new keeper pulls of 2-3 v. good saves)

This was pretty much throughout the entire second half to be honest.  The
pitch at this time was a mess, and very difficult to have to run through.

I was enjoying my new mid-field role (except for the heavy mud) and put in
a few good shots (even if I do say so myself!)  I had said in the car on
the way up that I was going to score, and I tried my very best to fulfil
the promise, but the 'keeper was proving very difficult to beat.  Nick said
to me "It's not going to happen is it?", and I had to agree with him as the
'keeper pulled off yet another good save from me.

Virtually everyone was up front at this stage trying to get the equaliser,
and we knew we would be in trouble if they broke away.  This duly happened:
89 mins Pen - Tom barges striker off ball in penno box, robbing Chris
Shilton
of clean sheet.  3-5

Yes, one of their players got away.  Tom had to put in the challenge, and
the Ref. gave a penalty.  No complants (although I did at the time!)  The
penalty was neatly put away, giving Chris no chance.

As usual, we came out of the starting blocks too slowly and before we knew
it were 2-0 down.  We somewhat redeemed ourselves with the second half
performance which was totally dominated by us...it's just a shame we
couldn't get that equaliser.

Let's hope we can have a rematch, at Derby this time, and with a full
squad.  I think it would be a totally different story.  

Hilary Robinson (Motley Crewe)

Motley Crewe vs Mad Hatters was played on Saturday 20th Feb 1999, on a sunny
but cold Saturday morning at the Barony in Nantwich.

As a Granada camera crew was in attendance, we attracted a few more players
and spectators than usual. This is the first time I've ever got writer's
cramp trying to write down the names of all the squad members!

Starting line-up was:

1 Bill Howard
2 Ed Booth
3 Kev Tuohy
4 Martin Hough
5 Darren Howard
6 Andy Statham
7 Daniel Beale
8 Gavin Anderson
9 Paul Kerby
10 Tim Robinson
11 Kev Toft

Ref was Paul Taylor's dad Cliff (for which act of great public-spiritedness
great respect is due) and we even had two assistant refs, Howard Robinson
and a Stockport sub I think in the first half.

Subs during the first half were Peter Birtles (13) replacing Daniel Beale
and
Andy Siepen (12) for Martin Hough.

3-0 down at half-time and Tim gave a teamtalk in his own unique style,
albeit with a large furry microphone stuck under his nose as he demanded
"liquid football" from the Motleys.

From half-time onwards the following subs were made, not all at once you
understand -

Alex (Bill's friend) for Ed Booth - took over his no 2 shirt
Jules Hornbrook for Kev Toft
Eric Boldon (no 14) for Paul Kerby
Paul Taylor (15) for Andy Siepen
Jack Manuel for Andy Statham
Dave Taylor (7) for Kev Tuohy

Somewhere around this point, Tim scored our first goal, a somewhat diving
header from a corner.

Andy Siepen went into goal to replace Bill.
Martin Hough went on again for Daz Howard.

Bren remarked how much Paul Taylor resembled Leonardo di Caprio.

Danny B went back on in Tim's place.

SiD, who had taken over lino duties from Howard in the second half, was also
controlling all the subs, ensuring everyone who wanted to got a game, and
generally bellowing encouragement and abuse from the touchline. (I bet he'll
appear in the highlights on "Soccer Sunday".)

Azz Howard went on in place of Peter Birtles (I think) much to the joy of
the Granada folk, who'd never before filmed a match where the mascot
actually got a turn playing. You could hear their brains whirring, "Ooh,
that'll make nice television!" Peter Robinson also got on to the pitch,
although I don't think he even got a touch of the ball before the final
whistle. Amazingly, though, we scored a second goal - by Eric Boldon I
believe - although so did the Hatters, to give a final score of 2-4.

Tim's post-match team talk was even more incredible - sounded like something
by the Rolling Stones ;-)

Shame we lost - though it was a good match and great fun for all concerned.
We had about 20 spectators as well as the subs, and enough players to have
made up two teams. Just hope a few will return when the cameras aren't
there!

Adjourned to the Rifleman for chips, sarnies and beer, and post-mortems on
the morning's match, and predictions for the afternoon's match. Consensus
was that the Motley lads froze a bit in front of the cameras, and didn't
really start playing for about 20 minutes.

Hilary Robinson (Motley Crewe)

Amazing conditions for a football match.
Gant scored our consolation, a brilliant solo goal as he rounded several
McVitee defenders who seemed to be stuck in the mud.
They probably were ...
Someone broke their goalie's ankle - well, almost - and he had to limp off
the field of play. We lost a player around the same time so battled on with
10 Motleys vs 9 McVitees. Davey O arrived but refused to get stripped off
for action. I don't know how he could resist it when everyone was having
such fun ;-)
McVitee had a couple of good players up front who played extremely well
given the conditions. Somehow the Motley passing game suffered a bit!
Just before the final whistle Bill kind of slid on to Dave (the McVitee
manager) leaving stud marks all up his leg. Remind me never to get in Bill's
way once he's moving ;-)

Squad was:
Bill Howard
Si Davis
Daniel Beale
Dave Taylor (Daniel, have I got his name right?)
Gant Anderson
Eric Boldon
Gareth Owen
Andy Statham
Jack Manuel (with his new red boots)
Peter Robinson
Howard Robinson (part-time)

So where were the rest of you? Surely a bit of snow doesn't put you off?
Special mention must be made of Kev Tuohy and Alison, who arrived during the
second half, a bit late to join in the fun, having broken down and had to
call the AA out. They had set out from Manchester not knowing the Alex
match was off!

We thawed out a bit in the Red Lion - at least with no match to rush off to,
we could digest our lunch a bit better, and have a leisurely chat.

Thanks to everyone who played or watched, and especially the brave souls
who tortured their frozen fingers getting nets down etc afterwards. It must
get better, it can't get worse, surely?

	Hilary Robinson (Motley Crewe)
	Neil Luckman (Net Baloos)

This match was played on Friday 02Apr99 on Alsager Football Club's training
pitch. The pitch has some interesting zoological and geological features,
but drains better than the Barony swamp (which was closed for Easter).
This was the lowest-scoring Net game we've ever played in, so it was an
especially agreeable surprise to be on the right end of the scoreline,
especially as the Baloos piled on the pressure in some parts of the match,
forcing many corners. Motley put on a good team performance with some solid
defending.
The only goal was a superb strike from Gant Anderson, strangely enough on
the one occasion his mother came to watch him play. (Must make sure she
watches our next game against Portly Vale.)
The game was also notable for a multi-player brawl just before the final
whistle - fortunately no-one was hurt and we all repaired to the clubhouse
for refreshments in the normal friendly way. (We actually had a proper ref,
Mr Cliff Taylor, but as he normally refs kids' Sunday morning matches, I
think he was a bit nonplussed by the situation.) Many thanks to the Baloos
lads for making the trip up the M6 through the awful Easter jams, and for
giving us an excellent game.
As usual I phoned the Alex to get the result announced over the tannoy at
half-time. I suspect that the PA man had trouble reading the message, as he
said that Motley Crewe had played the "Wet Baloos". This made me laugh out
loud, which got me some very strange looks as I was queuing for the ladies
at the time. 

MOTLEY CREWE 1 - 0 NET.BALOOS

Friday 2nd April 1999

Alsager FC

Problems ensued right from the start of this game, with a makeshift Baloos
line-up taking to the pitch and half of the team turning up late, due to
traffic problems on the M6 near Yamyamland.

The match got underway with both teams looking capable of scoring, but the
defences managed to shut out any threatening situations.

The first real opportunity of the game fell to Eddie who, when six yards
out and with just the 'Keeper to beat hit a very tame shot straight at him.

This seemed to spur Crewe into more urgency and they began to put more
pressure on the Baloos' defence, which was holding firm with Ali Potter and
Mark Ward being very impressive at the centre of it.

However, Crewe managed to score when one of their players got free from
Mark and fired in a low shot which Keith Laurent in goal could do nothing about.

Half-Time - Motley Crewe 1 - 0 Net.Baloos.

The Second Half started with Baloos exerting much more pressure on Crewe,
with the entire team squeezing upfield to try and make the break-through.

Despite a torrent of terrific corners from the left and right taken by Mark
and Eddie, the ball would just not find it's way into the net.

Free headers, shots, scrambled efforts etc. began pouring in but Crewe
somehow managed to block everything that was thrown at them.

Andy Clements was starting to have great effect down the right hand side of
the pitch, chasing relentlessly forward on several occasions, one of which
resulted in him being caught a little late on the ankle by one of the Crewe
defenders.

Sadly, Andy reacted a little hastily and a bout of 'handbag' stuff briefly
ensued. Little were we to know that this was the warm-up to the main event.

Five minutes later and the same Crewe player caught Andy with an elbow to
the top of his nose and Mr Clements lost his composure. Fists started
flying and everyone waded-in to calm the situation down.

Thankfully, no-one was hurt and it was all sorted out pretty quickly, with
Andy being 'tactically' substituted at that point.

Baloos continued to pile on the pressure but couldn't get the all important
goal that our play so thoroughly deserved.

PLAYER RATINGS

(GK) Keith Laurent - Came off his line quickly (7)
(RB) Mark Harris - Linked well with Andy C (7)
(LB) Dhairmid - Played his first off-side trap for 25 years (7)
(CH) Alistair Potter - Battled really well (8)
(CH) Mark Ward - Classy display (8)
(RM) Andy Clements - Did more with his fists than his feet (7)
(CM) Richard Hill - Covered every blade of grass (7)
(CM) Chris Rowe - Good distribution (7)
(LM) Neil Luckman - Struggled on the left (6)
(FW) Eddie Robinson - Not his usual self (6)
(FW) Dan Hobbs - Lacked confidence to shoot (6)
(FW) Rob Ellis - First touch let him down (6)
(LB) Steve Boronski - Nice shirt! (7)

Man of the Match - Joint award for Alistair Potter and Mark Ward.

Thanks to the Motley Crewe boys for the game and to Hilary for organising
the pitch, drinks and rather generous supply of food after the match. 

Only a Brief match report , we do however have a number of photos 
from this local derby match. Press the buttons to the left to go and have a look.

Played at Alsager FC on Sat 12Apr99.
Crewe scorers were Gant Anderson (3, one a pen), Tim Robinson, Bill Howard
and the sixth was debatable whether an o.g. or Bill H again.
We also gave an o.g. away to Vale, when Tim Robinson (in goal by then)
shouted for the ball, unfortunately he is so quiet and retiring that Daz
Howard couldn't hear him and Chested the ball past him into the net ...
Thanks to the Vale lads for giving us a good game, played in an excellent
spirit.
This match also saw two brothers playing on opposing sides without loans -
is this a first? Paul Kerby (Motley Crewe) vs Stuart Kerby (Portly Vale) - a
house divided.

This match was played on the last day of the 1998-99 Nationwide League
season, the day when all the promotion and relegation issues for Division 1
were resolved. However, both Crewe and Huddersfield were safe but unable to
reach the play-offs, so the day had a carnival feeling.

We dragged ourselves out of bed at an ungodly hour, but (in my case) more
godly than I'd intended. The resulting panic made me forget one or two vital
things, like the Motley goalie gloves! We managed to reach the Leeds Road
Playing Fields in reasonable time, not realising that the chosen pitch lay
about twenty minutes' hike away, down the canal tow-path, past the Community
Farm, and through a swamp. Once we reached it, it was a pleasant spot,
although the canal on one side and a water-filled ditch on another made it
interesting work retrieving balls that went out of play.

Tim went in goal the first half, wearing George-like tracky bottoms. It soon
became apparent that he was imitating George's style of play too. (George is
the nickname of ex-Crewe legend Ademole Bankole, who I believe is still at
QPR, but I don't know whether he's ever played for the first team there??)
We endured several heart-stopping moments as he flew out of goal towards the
centre circle or juggled the ball with his gloveless hands. Poor Martin
Hough came off the worse in a tackle and had to retire early doors with an
ankle injury. Young debutante Alex Furber, wearing number 16,  took his
place and gave a good account of himself .

We had several other debutantes, including Rob Murray (who wore no 4) and
Michael Lazenby's University mate, Kieren.. We had some good spells of
passing the ball around, but no goal resulted.

Part way through the first half, the spectators (who included Ali Elvy, Tony
Booth, Allan Davis, Helen Wrigglesworth and myself) were amazed when SiD
said, "We've got 12 men on!" This entertained us no end - we were rolling
about on the touchline - the players must have wondered what was the matter.
We decided the best policy was to keep quiet and sneak a player off at
half-time. Unfortunately, before half-time the Net Terriers' goalie must've
counted our players when they went up to defend a corner, and shouted
"They've got 12 men!" with great indignation. Red faces all round, and young
Alex, who had been last on the pitch, came off.

Half-time came with no score. This match was of a good overall standard, and
Motley played well together. Eventually the deadlock was broken when Michael
Lazenby editor of "We Are Crewe" scored, albeit from about 10cm out.
Modestly, he said, "Not that I should take much of the credit for that, it
was a great run from the no.11 and good work in the  middle from Paul
Kerby". We were well pleased with ourselves, and the Terriers looked a
little surprised. We held on for a while, but towards the end, the Terriers
equalised. Perhaps it was fortunate that we didn't win, as we could have
been accused of cheating - perhaps our extra man for part of the first half
tired the opposition out?

All in all, a good game played in the usual good spirit. The only drawback
was, after the route march back to the dressing rooms, the early afternoon
kick-off at the McAlpine Stadium left no time for socialising. But many
thanks to the Net Terriers. It was good to see Stuart Hill and Paul Sykes
again. Oh, and thanks to all who contributed to the FLAG bucket for Luton
Town. We collected 28.27, so I sent a cheque for 30 pounds  to FLAG on
Monday morning.

Motley Squad (hope I've got this right, I didn't make notes at the time):

Michael Lazenby
Michael's mate from Uni (Kieren)
Bill Howard (goalie in second half)
Martin Hough
Gant Anderson
Gant's mate from Uni (Geordie Martin, no 11)
Rob Murray (4)
Tim Robinson (goalie in first half)
Alex Furber (16)
Peter Robinson
Ed Booth
Paul Kerby (9)
A.N. Other 

Photos of some of the debutants at this momentous occasion can be found by 
following the links to the left.